Elliot:
He's a man from outer space and we're taking him to his spaceship.
Greg:
Well, can't he just beam up?
Elliot:
This is *reality*, Greg.


E.T.:
E.T. phone home.


Michael:
Did you explain school to him?
Elliot:
How do you explain school to higher intelligence?
Michael:
Maybe he's not that smart. Maybe he's like a worker bee who only knows how to push buttons or something.
Elliot:
[knowingly] He's so smart.
Michael:
Okay, I just hope we don't wake up on Mars or something surrounded by millions of these little squashy guys.


Michael:
Maybe it was an iguana.
Elliot:
It was *no* iguana.
Michael:
Maybe, um - You know how they say there are alligators in the sewers?
Gertie:
Alligators in the sewers.
Mary:
All we're trying to say is, maybe you just probably imagined it. It happened...
Elliot:
I couldn't have imagined it!
Michael:
Maybe it was a pervert or a deformed kid or something.
Gertie:
A deformed kid.
Michael:
[mockingly] Maybe an elf or a leprechaun.
Elliot:
It was nothing like that, penis-breath!
Mary:
[laughs in shock] *Elliott!* Sit down.


Michael:
Maybe an elf or a leprechaun.
Elliot:
It was nothing like that, penis breath!


Mary:
If you ever see it again, whatever it is, don't touch it, just call me and we'll have somebody come and take it away.
Gertie:
Like the dogcatcher?
Elliot:
But they'll give it a lobotomy or do experiments on it or something.


Michael:
Maybe he's some animal that wasn't supposed to live. Could be a monkey or an orangutan.
Elliot:
A bald monkey?
Gertie:
Is he a pig? He sure eats like one.


Elliot:
You could be happy here, I could take care of you. I wouldn't let anybody hurt you. We could grow up together, E.T.


Keys:
Elliot, that machine, what does it do?
Elliot:
The communicator? Is it still working?
Keys:
It's doing *something*. What?
Elliot:
I really shouldn't tell. He came to me, he came to me.
Keys:
Elliot, he came to me too. I've been wishing for this since I was 10 years old, I don't want him to die. What can we do that we're not already doing?
Elliot:
He needs to go home, he's calling his family, and I don't know where they are, and he needs to go home.
Keys:
Elliot, I don't think he was left here intentionally, but his being here is a miracle, Elliot. It's a miracle and you did the best that anybody could do. I'm glad he met you first.


Michael:
[imitating Elliot] I found him, he belongs to me!


Elliot:
You must be dead, because I don't know how to feel. I can't feel anything anymore.


Tyler:
[to Elliott] Douche bag.
Mary:
[hits him on the head] No 'douche bag' talk in my house!