[to Cherita Chen]
Donnie:
I promise, that one day, everything's going to be better for you.


Ronald Fisher:
Beer and pussy. That's all I need.
Sean Smith:
We gotta find ourselves a Smurfette.
Ronald Fisher:
Smurfette?
Sean Smith:
Yeah, not some tight-ass Middlesex chick, right? Like this cute little blonde that will get down and dirty with the guys. Like Smurfette does.
Donnie:
Smurfette doesn't fuck.
Sean Smith:
That's bullshit. Smurfette fucks all the other Smurfs. Why do you think Papa Smurf made her? Because all the other Smurfs were getting too horny.
Ronald Fisher:
No, no, no, not Vanity. I heard he was a homosexual.
Sean Smith:
Okay, then, you know what? She fucks them and Vanity watches. Okay?
Ronald Fisher:
What about Papa Smurf? I mean, he must get in on all the action.
Sean Smith:
Yeah, what he does, he films the gang-bang, and he beats off to the tape.
Donnie:
[shouts] First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have... reproductive organs under those little, white pants. It's just so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. You know, what's the point of living... if you don't have a dick?
Ronald Fisher:
[pause] Dammit, Donnie. Why you gotta get all smart on us?


Samantha Darko:
Why do I have to sleep with Donnie? He stinks.
Donnie:
When you fall asleep tonight, I'm gonna fart in your face.


Donnie:
How can you do that?
Frank:
I can do anything I want. And so can you.


[At the school assembly speaking out against Jim Cunningham]
Donnie:
Do you want your sister to lose weight? Tell her to get off the couch, stop eating twinkies and maybe go out for field hockey. You know what? No one ever knows what they want to be when they grow up. You know it takes a little, little while to find that out, right, Jim? And you... yeah, you. Sick of some jerk shoving your head down the toilet? Well, you know what? Maybe... you should lift some weights, or uh, take a karate lesson and the next time he's tries to do it, you kick him in the balls.


Kitty Farmer:
Rose, I'm sure that you're aware of the horrible allegations against Jim Cunninghman.
Rose Darko:
I know. I saw it on TV. Something about a kiddie porn dungeon.
Kitty Farmer:
Oh, Please! Please! Don't use those words! It's obviously some kind of conspiracy to destroy an innocent man. And I have taken it upon myself to spearhead the Jim Cunningham Defense Campaign.
Kitty Farmer:
[pleading] Rose, I have to appear at his arraignment tomorrow morning. And as you know, the girls are scheduled to leave for Los Angeles in the morning. Now, as their coach, I was the obvious choice to chaperone them on their trip, but...
Rose Darko:
[feigning concern] But now, you can't go.
Kitty Farmer:
Yes.
Rose Darko:
Hmmm.
Kitty Farmer:
Now, believe me, of all the other mothers, I would never dream of asking you. But none of the other mothers are available to go!
Rose Darko:
I don't know, Kitty. It's a bad weekend. Eddie's in New York.
Kitty Farmer:
[tearfully] Rose, I don't know if you realize what an opportunity this is for our daughters! This has been a dream of Samantha's and all of ours for a long time! I made her lead dancer! Sometimes, I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion!


Kitty Farmer:
[to Karen Pomeroy] Excuse me. You need to go back to grad school.


Donnie:
Where did you come from?
Frank:
Do you believe in time travel?


Donnie:
What happened to your eye?
Frank:
I'm so sorry.


Frank:
Don't worry. You got away with it.


[being led away in handcuffs by police]
Jim Cunningham:
You are a fear prisoner. Yes, you are a product of fear.


Donnie:
So, what do I tell the other kids when they ask about you?
Karen Pommeroy:
Tell them that everything is gonna be just fine.