Lloyd:
The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone her.
Harry:
That's a special feeling, Lloyd.


[after Lloyd trades the van in for a moped]
Harry:
Just when I thought you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!


Harry:
So you got fired again, eh?
Lloyd:
Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, you know?
Harry:
Yeah, well, I lost my job too.
Lloyd:
Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.
Harry:
No, none taken. You know what really chaps my ass though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost me two hundred.
Lloyd:
Hey, chicks love it. It's a shaggin' wagon.


[to the dogs in his van]
Harry:
OK gang, you know the rules, no humping, no licking, no sniffing hineys.


Lloyd:
All we need to do is show a little class, a little sophistication, and we're in like a dirty shirt.
Harry:
No problem, Lloyd. We can be classy and sophistic-Oh check out the funbags on that hosehound.
Lloyd:
I'd like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti.


Harry:
I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
Lloyd:
I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver's full of shit, man.


Lloyd:
If I know Mary as well as I think I do, she'll invite us right in for tea and strumpets.


Harry:
Hi, Lloyd.
Lloyd:
Hi, Harry.
Harry:
How was your day?
Lloyd:
Not bad. Fell off the jet way again.


Harry:
I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
Lloyd:
Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.


Harry:
Skis, huh?
Beth:
That's right!
Harry:
Great! They yours?
Beth:
Uh-huh.
Harry:
Both of 'em?
Beth:
Yes.
Harry:
Ah... cool!


Lloyd:
We got no food, no jobs... our PETS' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!"


[Harry and Lloyd are spending the evening in a romantic-themed motel]
Harry:
I don't know, Lloyd. These places always seem to bring back a lot of bad memories.
Lloyd:
What's the matter, Har? Some little fillie break your heart?
Harry:
No, it was a girl.