[first lines]
Graham:
It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.


Shereen:
They think we're Arab. When did Persian become Arab?


Lara:
[referring to the impenetrable cloak] He doesn't have it!
Elizabeth:
[confused] He doesn't have what?


Rick:
Fuck! Why do these guys have to be black? I mean, why? No matter how we spin this thing, I'm either gonna lose the black vote or I'm gonna lose the law and order vote!
Karen:
You know, I think you're worrying too much. You have a lot of support in the black community.
Rick:
All right. If we can't duck this thing, we're gonna have to neutralize it. What we need is a picture of me pinning a medal on a black man. Bruce? The firefighter - the one that saved the camp or something - Northridge... what's his name?
Bruce:
He's Iraqi.
Rick:
He's Iraqi? Well, he looks black.
Bruce:
He's dark-skinned, sir, but he's Iraqi, his name's Saddam Hassif.
Rick:
Saddam? His name's Saddam? Oh, that's real good, Bruce. Yeah, I'm gonna pin a medal on an Iraqi named Saddam. Give yourself a raise, will you?


Anthony:
You wanna get killed, nigger?
Cameron:
[punches him] Say that again, man. Call me nigger again.
Anthony:
You stupid motherfucker.


Anthony:
Come on now! This is America. Time is money.


Anthony:
Listen to it man. Nigga this, Nigga that. You think white go around callin' each other "honky" all day, man? "Hey, honky, how's business?" "Going great, cracker, we're diversifying!"


Cameron:
[after Christine's been molested] Who are you calling?
Christine:
I'm gonna report their asses, sons of bitches.


Shaniqua:
[talking on the phone] Mr. Ryan, your father has been to the clinic three times in the last month. He's been treated for a urinary tract infection that is by no means an emergency. Now, if you have any more questions about your HMO plan, why don't you make an appointment to come in between ten and four, Monday through Friday.
Officer Ryan:
What does my father do about sleeping tonight?
Shaniqua:
I don't know. I'm not a Doctor.
Officer Ryan:
I wanna talk to your supervisor...
Shaniqua:
I am my supervisor!
Officer Ryan:
Yeah, what's your name?
Shaniqua:
Shaniqua Johnson.
Officer Ryan:
Shaniqua. Big fucking surprise that is!
Shaniqua:
Oh!
[Shaniqua hangs up]


Graham:
Well, fuck you very much. But thanks for thinking of me.


Jean:
I want the locks changed again in the morning.
Rick:
You what? Look, why don't you just go lie down, huh? Have you checked on James?
Jean:
Well of course I've checked on James. I've checked on him every five minutes since we've been home. Do not patronize me. I want the locks changed again in the morning.
Rick:
Shhh. It's ok. Just go to bed, all right?
Jean:
[interrupting] You know what, didn't I just tell you not to treat me like a child?
Maria:
I'm sorry Mrs. Jean. It's okay?... I go home now?
Rick:
It's fine. Thank you very much for staying Maria.
Maria:
You're welcome. No problem. Goodnight Mrs. Jean.
Jean:
[Rudely] Goodnight.
Rick:
[to Maria] We'll see you tomorrow.
Jean:
I would like the locks changed again in the morning. And you know what, you might mention that next time we'd appreciate it if they didn't send a gang member...
Rick:
A gang member?
Jean:
Yes, yes.
Rick:
What do you mean? That kid in there?
Jean:
Yes. The guy in there with the shaved head, the pants around his ass, the prison tattoos.
Rick:
Those are not prison tattoos.
Jean:
[Interrupting] Oh really? And he's not gonna go sell our key to one of his gang banger friends the moment he is out our door?
Rick:
You've had a really tough night. I think it would be best if you just went upstairs right now and...
Jean:
[Interrupting] And what? Wait for them to break in?
Jean:
[Yelling] I just had a gun pointed in my face!
Rick:
[Agitated] You lower you voice!
Jean:
[Yelling] ... and it was my fault because I knew it was gonna happen. But if a white person sees two black men walking towards her and she turns and walks in the other direction, she's a racist, right?
[Furious]
Jean:
Well I got scared and I didn't say anything and ten seconds later I had a
[Jabbing her finger into Rick's chest]
Jean:
gun in my face. Now I am telling you, your amigo in there is gonna sell our key to one of his homies and this time it'd be really fucking great if you acted like you actually gave a shit!


Graham:
[on the phone] Mom, I can't talk to you right now, okay? I'm having sex with a white woman.
[hangs up, and Ria gets out of bed]
Graham:
OK, where were we?
Ria:
I was white, and you were about to jerk off in the shower.
Graham:
Oh, shit. Come on. I would have said you were Mexican, but I don't think it would have pissed her off as much.
Ria:
Why do you keep everybody a certain distance, huh? What, you start to feel something and panic?
Graham:
Come on, Maria. You're just pissed 'cause I answered the phone.
Ria:
That's just where I begin to get pissed. I mean, really, what kind of man speaks to his mother that way, huh?
Graham:
Oh, this is about my mother. What do you know about my mother?
Ria:
If I was your father, I'd kick your fucking ass.
Graham:
OK, I was raised badly. Why don't you take your clothes off, get back into bed, and teach me a lesson?
Ria:
You want a lesson? I'll give you a lesson. How 'bout a geography lesson? My father's from Puerto Rico. My mother's from El Salvador. Neither one of those is Mexico.
Graham:
Ah. Well then I guess the big mystery is, who gathered all those remarkably different cultures together and taught them all how to park their cars on their lawns?