The Joker:
Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?


Grissom:
That you, sugar bumps?
[turns around to see a man]
Grissom:
Who the hell are you?
Joker:
It's me, Sugar bumps.
Grissom:
Jack? Oh, oh, thank God you're alive! I heard you'd been...
Joker:
Fried? Is that what you heard? You set me up over a woman. A *woman*! You must be insane.
[Grissom goes for his gun]
Joker:
Don't bother.
Grissom:
Your life won't be worth spit!
Joker:
I've been dead once already. It's very liberating. You should think of it as, uh... therapy.
Grissom:
Jack, listen. Maybe we can cut a deal.
Joker:
Jack? Jack is dead, my friend.
[steps into the light]
Joker:
You can call me... Joker. And as you can see, I'm a lot happier.
[laughs, and then proceeds to kill Grissom]


Bruce Wayne:
[Vicki goes to answer the front door; mouths] I'm Batman, I'm Batman.


The Joker:
[talking to a gargoyle] What are you laughin' at?


The Joker:
I've recently had a tragedy in my life. Alicia...
[lays the mask that Alicia wore on the table]
The Joker:
...threw herself out of the window.
Vicki Vale:
Oh, my God.
The Joker:
But, you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs.
[breaks the mask and starts giggling]


The Joker:
I have given a name to my pain, and it is Batman.


Joker:
Hello, Vinny. It's your Uncle Bingo. Time to pay the check!


Alfred Pennyworth:
I have no wish to fill my few remaining years grieving for the loss of old friends. Or their sons.


Knox:
You know what they say? They say he can't be killed. They say he drinks blood. They say...
Eckhardt:
I say... you're full of shit, Knox. Oh, uh, you can quote me on that.


Jack Napier:
Decent people shouldn't live here. They'd be happier someplace else.
Alicia:
Pretty tough talk about Carl.
Jack Napier:
Don't worry about it. If this clown could touch Grissom, I'd have handed him his lungs by now.
Alicia:
If Grissom knew about us, he might hand you something.
Jack Napier:
Don't flatter yourself, angel. He's a tired old man. He can't run this city without me. And besides, he doesn't know.


Vicki Vale:
You're insane!
Joker:
I thought I was a Pisces!


The Joker:
Where does he get those wonderful toys?