Carl Hanratty:
Well, would you like to hear me tell a joke?
Earl Amdursky:
Yeah. Yeah, we'd love to hear a joke from you.
Carl Hanratty:
Knock knock.
Earl Amdursky:
Who's there?
Carl Hanratty:
Go fuck yourselves.


Carl Hanratty:
[Frank is making one last attempt to run by impersonating a pilot once again. Carl catches up with him at Dulles Airport] How'd you do it, Frank? How'd you pass the bar in Louisiana?
Frank Abagnale, Jr.:
[Frank continues to walk. Carl walks several paces behind] What are you doing here?
Carl Hanratty:
Listen...
Frank Abagnale, Jr.:
I'm sorry I put you through all this.
Carl Hanratty:
You go back to Europe, you're gonna die in Perpignan Prison. You try to run here in the States, we'll send you back to Atlanta for 50 years.
Frank Abagnale, Jr.:
I know that.
Carl Hanratty:
I spent four years trying to arrange your release. Had to convince my bosses at the FBI and the Attorney General of the United States you wouldn't run.
Frank Abagnale, Jr.:
Why'd you do it?
Carl Hanratty:
You're just a kid.
Frank Abagnale, Jr.:
I'm not your kid. You said you were going to Chicago.
Carl Hanratty:
My daughter can't see me this weekend. She's going skiing.
Frank Abagnale, Jr.:
You said she was four years old. You're lying.
Carl Hanratty:
She was four when I left. Now she's 15. My wife's been remarried for 11 years. I see Grace every now and again.
Frank Abagnale, Jr.:
I don't understand.
Carl Hanratty:
Sure you do. Sometimes, it's easier living the lie.
[Frank stops, Carl catches up]
Carl Hanratty:
I'm going to let you fly tonight, Frank. I'm not even going to try to stop you. That's because I know you'll be back on Monday.
Frank Abagnale, Jr.:
Yeah? How do you know I'll come back?
Carl Hanratty:
Frank, look. Nobody's chasing you.


Frank Abagnale Sr.:
Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out. Gentlemen, as of this moment, I am that second mouse.


Paula Abagnale:
Just tell me how much he owes and I'll pay you back.
Carl Hanratty:
So far, it's about 1.3 million dollars.


Roger Strong:
Frank, would you like to say grace?
[Long pause]
Roger Strong:
Unless you're not comfortable.
Frank Abagnale, Jr.:
Absolutely. Two little mice fell into a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned, but the second mouse, he struggled so hard that he eventually churned that cream into butter and he walked out. Amen.
[All say: Amen]
Carol Strong:
Oh, that was beautiful. The mouse, he churned that cream into butter.


Frank Abagnale Sr.:
You know why the Yankees always win, Frank?
Frank Abagnale, Jr.:
'Cause they have Mickey Mantle?
Frank Abagnale Sr.:
No, it's 'cause the other teams can't stop staring at those damn pinstripes.


Tom Fox:
He doesn't have a passport.
Carl Hanratty:
For the last six months, he's gone to Harvard and Berkeley. I'm betting he can get a passport.


Frank Abagnale Sr.:
Do you know what would happen if the IRS found out I was driving around in a new coupe? I took the train here, Frank. I'm taking the train home.


Frank Abagnale, Jr.:
[as Frank Conners] Your honor, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this is irrefutable evidence that the defendant is, in fact, lying.
Judge:
Mr. Conners, this is a preliminary hearing. There is no... defendant. There is no... jury. It's just me. Son... what in the HELL is wrong with you?


Principal Evans:
Mr. and Mrs. Abagnale, this is not a question of your son's attendance. I regret to inform you that, for the past week, Frank has been teaching Mrs. Glasser's French class.
Paula Abagnale:
He what?
Principal Evans:
Your son has been pretending to be a substitute teacher, lecturing the students, uh, giving out homework, uh. Mrs. Glasser has been ill, there was some confusion with the real sub. Your son held a teacher-parent conference yesterday and was planning a class field trip to a French bread factory in Trenton.


Frank Abagnale, Jr.:
CHRIST. Terry. This is Italian knit.


Frank Abagnale, Jr.:
Brenda, I don't want to lie to you anymore. All right? I'm not a doctor. I never went to medical school. I'm not a lawyer, or a Harvard graduate, or a Lutheran. Brenda, I ran away from home a year and a half ago when I was 16.
Brenda Strong:
Frank? Frank? You're not a Lutheran?